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Airbus Patent Illustrator Reveals Terrifyingly Poor Grasp of Human Proportions

Sorry for the jokesy headline, but is there anything funnier than rendering children by simply shrinking down adults? In U.S. Patent # US20160039387, Airbus reveals the following design with that classic patent-drawing attention to human anatomy:

While the drawing above appears to represent two ventriloquists who have brought their professional gear on as carry-on luggage, Airbus’ design for a “Re-Configurable Passenger Bench Seat” is a little more complicated than that. It’s meant to address the fact that the current one-size-fits-all airplane seat design, which is reportedly based on human dimensions from the year 1962, is no longer suitable for the wide range of sizes humans now come in. So let’s have a look at the seat:

As you can see, panel 60b folds down to reveal cavity 62a, which I assumed would contain a gloriously backlit bottle of Cuervo. But looking at the next drawing tells a different tale:

Panel 60b is in fact a giant-sized armrest. This, along with the width of the bench, means that one large man who favors V-necks can comfortably sit alongside another large man who favors crewnecks, and they can hold hands to confer mutual reassurance in times of turbulence.

In the next drawing, we see another configuration, whereby panels 60c are folded down:

You’ve undoubtedly noticed the appearance of an extra seatbelt in the image above, which allows what you see in the image below:

Now a tall man who favors V-necks can sit flanked by two shorter men who belong to Team Crewneck. While the armrests are now too narrow to support handholding, it does appear that a provision has been made whereby the passenger on the left can place his hand within the pants pocket of the passenger in the center.

Finally, if we add yet another seatbelt…

…two grossly misshapen adults can now sit alongside two children who resemble action figures:

And if you’re wondering how the seatbelts are added and subtracted, concealed between the cushions is a rail system with detachable fixtures:

It appears that the bench would need to have its seatbelt configured prior to each flight, and in accordance with the width of specific passengers. This could provide a wonderful opportunity for interaction during the boarding process, as cheerful flight attendants smilingly measure the width of each happy passenger. Furthermore, the pilot could order the co-pilot into the cabin to configure all of the seatbelts, in order for the former to clearly establish dominance over the latter.

I know, I know, it’s just a patent and there’s little chance we’ll see this design realized. But we can dream, can’t we?