#HTE

Amazon’s Astro, a Household Robot for Home Monitoring, Has Zero Combat Effectiveness

Here’s the latest “This is a parody, right? –Oh no, they’re sincere” realization: Amazon has announced their Astro, a small, Alexa-enabled “household robot for home monitoring.”

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And this, folks, is how they envision it integrating with your lifestyle:

I say Amazon is half-stepping. This thing is supposed to monitor your home for intruders, yet it has no combat capabilities, nor defensive measures. The screen is placed at perfect kick-height.

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If overturned, the Astro has no way to right itself. There’s no powerful laser, sonic weapon, electroshock prod, not even a ball-bearing or caltrop dispenser. The thing can’t tackle stairs; if your house is two stories, well, just choose the level you’d like to protect. Should be an easy choice: You’ve got the kids sleeping upstairs, but all that expensive stuff in the kitchen and living room.

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Also, that telescoping rod? I’ve seen enough movies to know that when fighting this thing, you snap that rod off, then use it to spear the robot.

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On the plus side, it docks itself for recharging. So it’s like a Roomba, except it doesn’t vacuum.

The $1,500 robot will initially sell for the bargain price of $1,000, “exclusively by invitation” through Amazon’s Day 1 Editions program. If it succeeds in the marketplace, we can expect to see a rash of YouTube videos of guys in ski masks moving towards the camera, then the video ends with a giant shoe sole.

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https://www.core77.com/posts/110174/Amazons-Astro-a-Household-Robot-for-Home-Monitoring-Has-Zero-Combat-Effectiveness