#HTE

The Opus SoundBed: A $2,000 Bed You Can’t Sleep In, But It Heals Your Soul, or Something

The Opus SoundBed is a $2,000 portable bed, designed by Yves Béhar, that “is like a home gym for your heart,” the developers write. “SoundBed™ uses vibroacoustic technology to deliver low-frequency vibrations throughout your body that quickly releases you out of stress response and into a place of deep relaxation and receptivity. The OPUS™ platform will include journeys, live experiences, guides and community to support you on your path to greater emotional fitness.”

This is the latest object to come out of San Francisco that seems designed for rich tech workers who live in San Francisco. People who can afford to drop two grand on a bed that’s not even meant to be slept in. (“While the bed is designed to be a comfortable experience, and therefore can be used to sleep on, this isn’t a proper mattress for long-term and optimal sleep.”)

And it continues the trend whereby wellness, in this case its subcategory of “emotional fitness,” is not something to be cultivated internally, but something you gain by purchasing an expensive technological thing.

Read this copy. Do you buy what they’re selling?

“The better we can guide and elevate our emotions, the more powerfully we meet the demands of life, the more consciously we can shift our feeling state, and the stronger our relationships and ability to create the life we desire.”

That seems true enough.

“With this Immersive SoundHealing™ method, you can reliably shift and sustain whatever energetic state you desire, whether that’s deeper calm and relaxation, improved focus and performance, or heightened creativity and connection to purpose.”

Oh, sweet! The technology does it for me!

“And to top it off - the experience simply feels great, like being immersed in a cocoon of pleasurable sensation. It’s the way we are taking the ‘work’ out of 'inner work.’”

I like pleasurable sensations, and I don’t like the “work” part of “inner work.” Sign me up!

The company is knocking $700 off the price if you pre-order one. I’m looking at the website now and it does that thing where every five seconds, a little window pops up saying “Robin in Joytown Reserved their SoundBed,” with a different name and location each time. If the constant pop-ups are to be believed, I was wrong, and lots of people outside of San Francisco want and need this.

No, strike that, the pop-ups are cooked. I just noticed they’re on a repeating loop.