#HTE

The Best Weekly Design Roast Burns from 2019, Part 2

From Week #14:

What I want to say to the designer of this motorized lift for the disabled: “Yeah, looks real cool. Where the fuck is the rest of it?”

From Week #15:

“Over time, using these chairs may put some wear on the steel edges. If that happens, call me and I’ll swing by with an angle grinder to resharpen them.”

From Week #16:

“Yes, it is a little difficult to install. But trying to get the bike in and out will make that seem easy in comparison.”

From Week #17:

“Yes, flat roofs are terrible at shedding rainwater. Yes, the concrete roofs do not have enough structural support. Yes, I ignored the engineers who urged me to reinforce the steel supporting structures. But the building didn’t almost collapse until a few years after I died, so it wasn’t my problem.”

From Week #18:

This looks like something you design because a competitor keeps knocking your work off, and you want to see how far they’re willing to go.

From Week #19:

“I call my aesthetic ‘1980s Children’s Ferrari.’”

From Week #20:

“No, it’s a great concept. So when are you going to finish it?”

From Week #21:

“My design concept perfectly illustrates that I do not understand how heating elements or knives work”

From Week #22:

“This is a dedicated smartphone screen cleaner. The replaceable cleaning pads only cost $10 for a two-pack! Once you buy one of these, you’ll wonder how you ever got by without…you know what, screw this. I’m not reading this goddamn copy. No, fuck you, I quit.”

From Week #23:

This “smartphone addiction solution” storage object is electromagnetically-shielded, so any phone you place inside cannot receive a signal. I guess you could also just turn your phone off, but this object has the added benefit of taking up desk space and costing money.

From Week #24:

True story: This 5 ¼-quart Le Creuset Cast-Iron Star Wars Han Solo Carbonite Signature Roaster costs $450. I think that’s more than the actual bounty they paid Boba Fett to capture Han.

From Week #25:

“Hey Jeff, are you and Stacy free this afternoon? I need some extra hands to turn my seating area back into a white sphere.”

From Week #26, Special Tesla Cybertruck Edition:

“We had to compromise and lose some of the elements from the renderings. For instance, the original wheels were supposed to be square.”

From Week #27, Special Firewood Edition:

What the eff is this for–bringing your firewood to the Milan Furniture Fair?

From Week #28:

“Our design research shows that people want furniture-like geometric shapes that can be configured in different ways. If you want useful functions, go talk to someone else–I’m a designer, not an engineer.”

From Week #29:

Written on the wall next to this checked box: “I don’t know what to do with my money.”