#HTE

The Weekly Design Roast, #10

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“Sure, from the front it looks like a cross between a high-heeled shoe and a headless, objectified woman. But I designed it so that from the other side, it looks like a frog. Or a toad. I don’t know, I always get those two mixed up.”

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“I call it a Chaise Longue-Tall-Wide with Integrated Reading Lights and Floating Shelf Desk. It’s not meant to relate to anything else in the room, like other furniture or walls, but would ideally exist in a space of white infinity. I know you don’t see any power cords; that’s because the white things you lie on are actually battery cells.”

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“I wanted to design a difficult-to-ship bathroom sink that features a long, thin, pointy shelf that you can’t actually place anything on.”

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“I don’t mean to derail this meeting, Sandra, but I’ll ask you again: Please address me as ‘Ball Turret Gunner’ rather than 'Brian from Accounting.’”

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“If there’s one thing I hate about coasters, it’s that they can only hold one glass at a time, they’re too easy to stack and put away, and there’s little chance you’ll accidentally knock a drink off of one. Plus, pointy steel and glass always go well together.”

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“I’m trying to start a new, hot trend: Under-bed lighting. Changing the bulb is kind of a pain in the ass, but I think it’s worth the trade-off of having illuminated carpet.”

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“We want our little girl to grow up to be a princess. With our son, we’re aiming for contractor.”

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“I mean sure, it gets a little grey and filmy after it rains, but you can just build hemispherical scaffolding both inside and outside of it, spend a couple of days scrubbing, then just disassemble the scaffolds and put them away and it’s good as new.”

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“Since the base is nearly as long as the tabletop, this doesn’t actually save much space, but when you’re not using the table, you’ll enjoy the convenience of having a bookshelf you can’t place anything on right in the middle of the room.”

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“I always carry extra batteries with me to keep my LED Middle Finger Car Message charged. Even though road rage shootings are a thing, I’m sure that if I cut someone off and turn this Fuck You light on, the other motorist will accept his loss gracefully and leave me alone.”

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https://www.core77.com/posts/89675/The-Weekly-Design-Roast-10