#HTE

The Weekly Design Roast, #5

“This piece of furniture addresses my two passions: Entertaining, and assembling weird wicker obelisks after my guests leave.”

“My MAC-11 submachine gun isn’t heavy enough, so I had it plated with the heaviest metal on Earth.”

“I work as a set designer for one of those soap operas where arguing housewives regularly fall down the stairs. The stuntpeople started complaining that the falls were getting boring. My new design makes the process much more exciting.”

“I’m like, a pretty good-looking guy, and plenty of chicks swipe right on me on Tinder. But every time I get them back to my place, they start making excuses to not have sex with me. I can’t figure it out.”

“I wanted to design a room divider that doesn’t provide any visual or acoustic privacy, but just uses up materials instead.”

“Look, dude, what do you want me to tell you? If you want an illuminated saber with an included hilt, go talk to somebody else. I’m hanging up now.”

“Our firm’s research shows that people like balconies that don’t admit light, have weird triangular footprints that you can’t fit anything into, and feature a drainage pipe running through the already useless corner.”

“These table legs can conveniently store any uncooked pieces of spaghetti that are 32 inches or longer.”

“The design brief was to create a spiral staircase that incorporates an element you will hit your head on at least 75% of the time.”

“This desk is awesome because you can place things on it, like a framed photograph, your laptop, books, and a pencil holder. Then, when you want to access anything inside the desk, you simply unplug your laptop, take all of the objects off of your desk, and place everything on the floor so that you can open the desk.”