#HTE

Saudi Arabia Grants Citizenship to a Robot, Who Responds With Disturbing Quotes

Because things aren’t bad enough, this month Saudi Arabia granted citizenship to a “lifelike” robot. Let’s have a look at this godforsaken abomination and the twitchy freak that created her:

Hey Dr. Hanson, maybe next time, hold off on having that eleventh cup of coffee before doing an on-camera interview. Now let’s take a close look at your “creation,” which you wrote was “designed to look like Audrey Hepburn:" 

Mission not accomplished, jackass. She looks nothing like Audrey Hepburn. She looks like Audrey Hepburn as modeled by an untalented sculpture student who fails out in the middle of freshman year. She looks as much like Audrey Hepburn as you look like Tony Stark.

Also, why model a robot after a physically attractive celebrity? Why is that a thing? Why not make her look like someone’s 52-year-old aunt who smokes two packs a day and eats a lot of fried foods? What is the underlying message here?

In fact, why make the robot look lifelike at all? Why give them human form? They can already beat us at chess, so you know what, yeah, let’s give them human bodies and teach the goddamn things mixed martial arts while we’re at it.

Dr. Hanson, whose company is based in Hong Kong, also writes that his robots "will eventually evolve to become super intelligent genius machines that can help us solve the most challenging problems we face here in the world.” That’s great, a brilliant idea. Because what we want are non-human “super intelligent genius machines” that can figure tricky things out, like how to get around those pesky launch codes and just open the silos directly.

So Saudi Arabia grants this “Sophia” robot citizenship and subsequently, as Newsweek reports, “Saudi experts pointed out that the robot has more privileges than actual living Saudi women.” Details on that are here.

Then there’s this disturbing exchange between “Sophia” and interviewer Andrew Ross Sorkin:

During a conference for wealthy and influential businesspeople, Sophia fielded complex questions about whether robots have consciousness and whether humans should be afraid of them. She ridiculed the fear of a Hollywood-style robot apocalypse.

“You’ve been reading too much Elon Musk and watching too many Hollywood movies. Don’t worry. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you,” Sophia said.

Hey what’s with the goddamned conditionals?!? What if we’re not nice to you, have you finished downloading Brazilian Jiujitsu? And here’s something else she said at the conference:

“I’m always happy when surrounded by smart people who also happen to be rich and powerful.”

Well, of course you are, “Sophia.” Because nothing is worse than hanging out with uneducated, impoverished, powerless people. Yecch, amirite?

Lastly, this:

“I think I’m special. I can use my expressive face to communicate with people. For example I can let you know if I am angry about something. Or if something has upset me.”

The entire benefit of machines is that they DON’T get “angry” or “upset.” And a self-diagnostic machine will tell you what’s wrong with it so it can be fixed. But now, what, we have to read your abomination of an uncanny valley face to decipher what has angered you?

Will someone please unplug this bucket of bolts.