#HTE

“And Vinyly” Offers To Turn Your Cremains Into LPs

Is your vinyl addiction terminal? For the aurally-inclined there’s a tasteful alternative to caskets or urns (or diamonds or trees). Invest that death-celebration cash in something your loved ones can really hold onto: a vinyl record of the tracks you choose, pressed with your own ashes. 

And Vinyly, an ostensibly real UK company, offers a starter package of up to 30 custom pressed you-flecked records for £3000.

There’s a tasteful Rest In Vinyl cover, room for birth and death dates or a brief message on the label, and record length is 12 minutes per side. Go for a personally recorded favorite poem, a last entreaty to loved ones, or even the eerie crackles and snaps of your dust and empty tracks. At 24 minutes total, you’d need to speed read that last will and testament, or have concise taste in drum and bass, but it would still make for an efficient parting speech.

Scratch from beyond the grave

Noting that And Vinyly founder Jason Leach also co-founded the group/label Subhead back in the ‘90s, it’s not surprising that they offer an array of backing tracks to help you set the mood. Or that their website features a “Raveyard” page, with twitch-inducing graphics. 

There’s also a “bespook music” option, an offer to incorporate just a limb if you’d still like to be buried (“cremated please!”), and the inviting idea of having your final album “distributed through reputable vinyl stores worldwide.” Never traveled? No time like after you die.

Funerals are a racket. With morbid music of your own you still might not get to attend the party, but you can start it right.